"NAME" IS THE EFFECT OF WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU DO

I didn't want to publish the first segment because I felt it to be "too personal," "too revealing." I didn't even know why I divulged that information about myself. But as I thought about it, I realized that to move through the "swamp of name and form," you have to first know just what that is. Otherwise, they're just a nice, abstract Buddhist metaphor to ponder on and not take too personally. Karma, the effect of one's actions, is at the essence here, and it is not an abstract, intellectual exercise; it is the actual "human imprint" that you make by being who you are and doing what you do. It is absolutely personal and you are the person to whom and for whom you are responsible. And you have to realize just who you are, that is, the being that you present in the world, before you can even begin to think about being able to move through the "swamp," the miasma, the quicksand, that you, your name, your identity, creates in the world. This is not about philosophizing about "self," or "karma," or an image you would like to have of yourself. It is not about "consciousness" or "soul" or "psyche," but about you, me, us, and the endless effects and reverberations of our actions in the world. Nor is it about feeling guilty or ashamed of the mistakes we have made in our obliviousness or ignorance or willfulness. Rather, it is about recognizing ourselves and the effects we have--not abstractly or mentally or in any way detached, but, rather, viscerally. To realize the suffering that we have caused others is terrifying. Shame and guilt may initially appear and be experienced, but to stop there is both insufficient and irresponsible. We have no right to remain in Hell; self-punishment is not enough. We must move through it by realizing that there is more to the process of self-understanding than simply allowing ourselves to wallow in the "swamp of name and form." Part of this realization is that, if we are more aware of what we are and what we do, we do, in fact, do things better, that is, without making big negative waves in our wake that inundate others and ourselves. We begin to see through our name and form, that is, our identity, our flesh, and both what we have made and has made us--our world.